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A day in court

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blueyes
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« on: August 07, 2009, 05:05:10 pm »

These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these


Questions = lawyer
Answers = witness

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?

A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere
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tatman
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« Reply #1 on: August 07, 2009, 05:13:47 pm »

 Cheesy
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tatman
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« Reply #2 on: March 19, 2010, 07:36:18 am »

 laughing laughing
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reist
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« Reply #3 on: October 04, 2010, 10:16:25 pm »

How is it possible for people to be this stupid???!!!  ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly
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Nazarene4Life
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« Reply #4 on: October 05, 2010, 12:00:14 am »

How is it possible for people to be this stupid???!!!  ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly

I agree! laughing This is quite amuzing though
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Saffi
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« Reply #5 on: October 07, 2010, 03:10:21 pm »

I love the doctor's answers  Grin
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reist
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« Reply #6 on: October 08, 2010, 01:24:52 am »

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? ugly
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure? ugly
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing? ugly
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? ugly
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? ugly
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless? ugly
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere Afro Afro
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Yes he could have been here questioning me!!! kinda surprised the doctor didn't insult him more obviously!
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